I don't even know how to start this. If you want a happy post, skip this one cuz it's not going to happen today. I am sitting here, 30 minutes until Mother's Day. This year, I am neither a mother nor do I have a mother. I want to skip the day. I don't want to acknowledge the day, I don't want a day to remind me of what I don't have and what I've lost. It's been six long months since I lost my mom and it still hurts just as much as if it happened yesterday. I don't want a day where I get comments from people telling me how they would like to wish me a happy Mother's Day but can't (yes, I've had people say that to me). I have what's left of my family upstairs (sister, bil, nephew, brother and of course Shawn) but I still feel so alone.
I'd done a pretty good job of avoiding the whole situation until Wednesday when I walked into a card shop and saw everyone lining up to purchase the special card for mom. I called Shawn from work and I just cried and cried. Now I sit here, crying yet again as I remember the wonderful woman I have the honour of calling mom and missing her in a way I never thought possible. A girl always needs her mom, no matter how old she is. I will be going to the cemetary tomorrow. Definatley not how I thought I'd be spending it. I wish my mom was here, at least then I could celebrate with her.