I am feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed by the amount of support I received over the past couple of days. I cried as I read every post and email. Thank you so much!
Like many of my fellow bloggers, I sometimes feel the need to censor myself just in case the wrong people are reading my blog. I didn't want to post about certain things in my life just in case. After much thought, I think it's ok to go ahead and post about some of the frustrations I've been feeling because, the people I worried about aren't worth worrying about anymore.
One of the biggest frustrations in my life recently has been work. The past couple of years have been tough. We got a new management team and ever since then it's been downhill. The axe has been falling left, right and centre. I thought I was safe but last year, just after Shawn and I decided to start our adoption process I was told that my position was being axed but there was another position that was opening up so I could take that one or I could be out the door. After talking to Shawn, I decided to take the job even though it was a lower level than the one I had because it was a job that would pay the bills until we got the baby. At the time of course, we were still under the impression the whole process was going to be quick.
I went over and things went well. Then my manager decided to take early retirement. In the great wisdom that our management team has, rather than try to find someone who is experienced and knows how to be a manager they decided to hire someone right out of school with no management experience and no people experience. It's been nothing short of an excruciating experience with her. I won't go into detail here, I don't want my stomach to get into knots over this while I'm at home. Let me just say, it's been really bad and of course I'm the one with the problem, even though I've worked with two other managers at the same organization and never had a problem with either of them.
I'm really mad at myself more than anything. I let her get to me and that makes me upset at myself. I try to tell myself that it's just a job, just a paycheck, but my personality isn't like that. When I see things that aren't right, I get very upset. I'm working on it though, I will try to not let work get to me like that again. It's just a job, it's not my real life.
This past weekend as well marked the 9 month anniversary since my mom passed away. I haven't been able to handle it very well. God I miss her so much. I wish she was here to hold my hand.