I've been thinking about whether I should post this or not for a long time, like over a year long time. I only ever told Shawn about the what happened and he didn't know what to say. I've been revisiting this situation in my head and I think I handled the situation correctly but I'm wondering about what someone else would've said.
I was talking to someone who had always been very supportive of our adoption about a friend of mine that I had reconnected with. I mentioned that this friend had had a little girl in the years we were not in touch. Her daughter is now about 6 or 7 years old.She was not with the father of her child but was engaged to another man. I told this person how my friend was telling me how well this man treats her and her daughter, that he treats her daughter as if she was his child.
This person gave me a skeptical look and said, "Hmmm, it's not the same." I in turn said "Well, what's the difference between this situation and someone who is adopting?" The person then retracted and said "You're right, I hadn't thought about it that way." We left it at that and didn't bring it up again.
I couldn't believe those words came out of this person's mouth. Like I said, this person has always been very supportive of our adoption so I was floored when I heard that. To me there is no difference between someone adopting a child and someone who becomes a parent because their partner has a child. As a result of this comment, I started thinking, will people always view our family as "not the same"? Will we be viewed as the parents who love our child but not the same since we aren't connected genetically to our child? Now, if a comment like that came from a stranger, I wouldn't have given it a second thought but this comment came from someone I really trust and care for.
I'd like to hear others thoughts on this.