One year ago today I lost my mom. It's been one year since I last saw her, touched her, talked to her, seen her smile, heard her laugh. I'm not sure how I've survived this year without her. I miss her so much. People have said that things get easier in time but I disagree. You just learn to deal with it and tuck it away but it's always there. Most days now I don't feel that wall of grief and despair I did a year ago and I don't have the meltdowns I use to but it still makes it's way out once in a while.
Shawn and I went to the cemetary yesterday and I brought some flowers for my mom, my grandma and my uncle. I didn't think I could handle going today. My mom loved her flowers, anybody who's been over to our house can attest to that. All the plants we have are because of her, she was the one with the green thumb.
I wish so much my mom was here. I wish I could tell her what we've been through and get her opinion and advise. She always had a level head, unlike me who usually flies off the handle. Last year I said over and over how I would give up everything I have to spend just 10 minutes with my mom. It's still true today, I would give up everything just to be able to tell my mom that I love her and to feel her arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok.