The closer we got to the hospital, the harder it was for me to keep from crying. When we turned the corner and I saw the hospital I just lost it and started crying and crying. We went in and asked for Jazz. The nurse came back with the tiniest little urn ever. I took it from her and just hugged them to my chest. I was holding my baby girl again. The car ride home was even quieter. We now have her urn next to her picture.
Lucas has been over a couple of times and he's asked for Jazz. We told him that she went to heaven. I don't think he's happy with that answer, he keeps asking why she's there, when is she coming back, etc. It's not easy for him, he has a lot of people in heaven and he's not even four yet.
Some days are better than others. When I'm busy, at least I don't have to think, when it's quiet, that's another story. Shawn has once again been amazing and a rock for me. I really don't know what I would do without him.