Monday, June 30, 2008

Healing

I've been having a hard time posting this.  A couple of weeks ago, we got the call to pick up Jazz's ashes.  Shawn tried to distract me on the car ride to the animal hospital by chatting away but I couldn't respond, I was just trying to hold it together.  Shawn quickly gave up.  

The closer we got to the hospital, the harder it was for me to keep from crying.  When we turned the corner and I saw the hospital I just lost it and started crying and crying.  We went in and asked for Jazz.  The nurse came back with the tiniest little urn ever.  I took it from her and just hugged them to my chest.  I was holding my baby girl again.   The car ride home was even quieter. We now have her urn next to her picture.

Lucas has been over a couple of times and he's asked for Jazz. We told him that she went to heaven.  I don't think he's happy with that answer, he keeps asking why she's there, when is she coming back, etc.  It's not easy for him, he has a lot of people in heaven and he's not even four yet.

Some days are better than others.  When I'm busy, at least I don't have to think, when it's quiet, that's another story.  Shawn has once again been amazing and a rock for me.  I really don't know what I would do without him.

13 comments:

amy said...

Im still grieving my Lucy. I hope it gets better. I see her everywhere. I had a crying spell in the car last week and today I went to PetSmart and went straight to the doggie treats!

Im with you friend!

3D said...

You both are so amazing and support each other. Lucas is beyond bright and an astute little guy. Sucks that you have all experienced such pain.

Hugs xoxo

Keep smilin!

Janet said...

A big hug of support from me. Hang in there, D, and hold on to Shawn. I'm so glad you have each other.

Catherine said...

((hugs)) friend. So glad Shawn is there to be real, live arms wrapped around you as you go through this.

PIPO said...

I am so sorry. Take care of each other...what a blessing that is to be able to rely on each other.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry. I wouldn't say it gets better, but it does seem to get slightly easier as time goes by. At least for me. I still my our Tess so much and it's been almost a year. I'm sorry.

Rhonda said...

So very sorry. I wish I were there to give you a big hug and help you through this...

Juliette said...

(((((Dolores)))))

MotherMotherOcean said...

hang in there baby.

I like having Kermit's ashes around. He was a great cat and it is nice to have a piece of him near me. Kind of creepy just a bit.

redmaryjanes said...

It is very difficult. We lost our special pet 5 years ago. We secretly buried him beside our home because we wanted him close to us always. We still think of him, he is always with us.

Beth said...

Awwwwwwww hon I am so sorry, it will get better day by day, give yourself time.

Michele said...

I still cry more than 3 years later when I look at the urn with my fur baby's ashes in it. They leave such an impression on our lives with their unquestionable love and devotion that none of us would ever forget them.

Hugs to you.

Kathy and Joel said...

It helped us to have Cheetah's ashes home with us. I still miss her so much and even today, when I went to the vet to get some food for Bear, I had to blink back the tears. The pain never goes away, but it does get a little easier with time. I'm thinking about you.