Monday, August 25, 2008

Riddle Me This

Why do people feel the need to question our decision to adopt internationally instead of domestically?

Why do I feel the need to defend our decision to people who question us?

Why do governments make things so very difficult for people who only want to become parents with their restrictive and antiquated policies?

Why do people compare our almost 21 month wait with China to someone's pregnancy who is just a couple of days over the due date and expect us to understand their frustration?

Why didn't our agency tell us two years ago that we should expect a referral in 2013 and not in 1.5 years? We got that lovely piece of information recently.

Why is it when the weather turns ugly here, it's all I can do to stop myself from packing my bags and moving back home?

Why do airlines charge so much that it makes it impossible for us to travel as much as we want to?

Why does Lucas insist on asking me questions that I am not spiritually enlightened enough to answer? (Why is this a donut?)

Why do I feel like this post does not make any sense at all?

14 comments:

Kayce said...

I have those same questions, the same ones! I've got a few to add though...

Why are people so mean?
Why do people feel the need to lie?

3D said...

Why, why, why...does my head hurt when I bang it against the wall in utter frustration?

Going to get a helmet and a glass of wine...

Keep smilin!

M and M said...

LOVE the donut question!

I wish I had some answers for you...

Mamacita said...

It makes too much sense....but then I've already had my wine....perhaps its time for the donut.

Mark said...

It makes all the sense in the world!!

Can't wait to see both soon!!!

The Carmodys said...

Good questions . . . let me know when you figure out the answers!

k

MotherMotherOcean said...

When you get frustrated, lift up your shirt and flash the world.

Two Kayaks said...

You could also pull down your pants and moon the world.

I hate that people are so stupid. But, they are. Too bad there are so few of us with common sense.

Donna Paonessa said...

I hear you on the other "why's", I've asked some of them myself!

But the why about the timeline?? Your agency didn't tell you about it because we didn't KNOW. We've been upfront about the wait times as soon as we were informed by the CCAA - it was unfortunate that those who started the process when the timelines were shorter (like yourselves), got stuck right smack dab in the longer timelines. The agencies have NOTHING to do with the timelines - we can't control them, nor can we control the rules etc when the sending countries change them...we are at their mercy. I'm not sure why families think we're lying about that?? Not that I'm comparing the frustration you guys feel to our frustration, but believe me, this isn't fun for us either. We get yelled at, cursed at, etc. on a daily basis. Why would we subject ourselves to that if we could help it? We would LOVE for everything to go back to the way it was! At least we are being honest, unlike some other agencies who are still telling families 2 yrs.

Sorry but I had to speak up - we've been called some really nasty names this week and it's not fair.

Janet said...

I JUST had that conversation yesterday, with a clerk at the grocery store! She actually said, "I don't see why you don't adopt CANADIAN children! " ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I wanted to smack her! WHY do we have to defend ourselves!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Donna, but I have to respond to your comment above about your agency not knowing.

The referral history on CB's site clearly shows a steady increase in time lines from April of 2005 to the present time. Of course, I had to look elsewhere for the time lines for groups 201-249 since they have been omitted from the site for some reason (which just happens to be around the time that many people signed up with CB blind to the fact that the time lines were increasing). The thing is, why weren't people told that there had been an increase in wait times when people were signing up between January 06 and March of 06? Sure, the program is stable in the sense of knowing what to expect once a referral is made, but to say that the wait times are 6-9 months when they have been clearly increasing from 05 to 06 at the time is misleading to say the least.

You stated "it was unfortunate that those who started the process when the timelines were shorter (like yourselves), got stuck right smack dab in the longer timelines."

No one got stuck "smack dab" in the middle. The time lines had been steadily increasing since early 2005.

kris said...

What Nic said but I'd moon it instead.

Donna said...

To anonymous...yes, the timelines have been steadily increasing, and we have been upfront about that from the get-go - check back to our email updates - any time we had indication of changes, it was mentioned - but no one could've known that they would get to THIS, back in '05, early '06. We always speak the truth, and only the truth (as brutal as it is sometimes). We always ask for clarification on information as well, before broadcasting it - we don't spread rumours.

As for certain group timelines being taken off of the website - I don't know exactly why that is, but I can tell you that it's actually my husband who manages the CB website and I know for a fact they weren't taken down so as to possibly "hide" something (which seems to be what you're insinuating). Could just be that he was trying to clean it up and figured they weren't relevant anymore. You're always free to contact him to ask.

From a business standpoint, these timelines suck just as much for us as an agency to be perfectly honest! Look at the revenue loss. We the staff could also lose our jobs if things don't pick up.

Please know that I am in no way trying to compare this to your stress of waiting for a child - I too am an adoptive mother and suffered through infertility - I remember the pain and heartache well, believe me. I'm just trying to point out that we have nothing to do with these timelines - it hurts us too.

Donna

Tracey and Mike said...

Funny how people never ask others who have children biologically why they didn't just adopt (domestically) - I hear there's lots of children who need homes. Interesting why when you have a visible adoption people feel it's free game for prying questions wrt to how you chose to form your family.

BTW, happy belated birthday!!!