Healing

I've been having a hard time posting this.  A couple of weeks ago, we got the call to pick up Jazz's ashes.  Shawn tried to distract me on the car ride to the animal hospital by chatting away but I couldn't respond, I was just trying to hold it together.  Shawn quickly gave up.  

The closer we got to the hospital, the harder it was for me to keep from crying.  When we turned the corner and I saw the hospital I just lost it and started crying and crying.  We went in and asked for Jazz.  The nurse came back with the tiniest little urn ever.  I took it from her and just hugged them to my chest.  I was holding my baby girl again.   The car ride home was even quieter. We now have her urn next to her picture.

Lucas has been over a couple of times and he's asked for Jazz. We told him that she went to heaven.  I don't think he's happy with that answer, he keeps asking why she's there, when is she coming back, etc.  It's not easy for him, he has a lot of people in heaven and he's not even four yet.

Some days are better than others.  When I'm busy, at least I don't have to think, when it's quiet, that's another story.  Shawn has once again been amazing and a rock for me.  I really don't know what I would do without him.

Adjusting

Thank you everyone for all your kind words, comments and emails. It's been a rough few days. I haven't stopped crying. The worst is in the morning when I come downstairs, when I get home from work and when I'm in bed, trying to sleep. I keep expecting to see Jazz greet me. I miss the sound of her pattering around, they way her tags would clink her bowl, even her deep belly meows telling me it was time to wake up in the morning. My girl was a very early riser, thanks in part to my mom.

At least I have the distraction of going to work, Shawn is now working from home. He's here on his own all day. He would check up on Jazz to see how she was doing, now he doesn't have that.

I've been thinking of the irony of the name of the blog. In the past few years, our family has been shrinking, not growing. I wonder sometimes if it will ever come to fruition.

Jazz is in peace

Jazz passed away tonight. My beautiful princess is gone. She let us know it was time to go. Jazz and my mom are now united again.

My heart is just breaking for my beautiful girl.

Bad News

We got bad news from the vet. Jazz is in kidney failure. She's not going to get better. Depending on where she is in the disease, we might be able to prolong her time with us. The vet wasn't able to tell us how much time we have left, they just don't know.

Shawn called me in tears. I can count on my two hand the number of times he's cried in the 13 years I've known him. You know this is bad if he's that bad.

I don't know what to do. Everyone wants their pet to go quietly in their sleep when it's their turn. That doesn't happen with kidney disease. It's going to be painful for Jazz.

We have decisions to make, hard decisions. Decisions I never thought we would have to make.

Jazz is sick

Jazz is sick, really sick. She's been throwing up clear liquid and Shawn took her to the vet. They took some blood but they didn't give us very much hope. At this point we don't even know what exactly is wrong with her. She's throwing up because she can't keep her liquids down. Jazz may be anemic too even though she does eat a bit, but not much. We have to give her an IV to make sure she's getting enough liquids, but not too much in case she does have anemia, that would make it worse. We'll know for sure tomorrow what course of action we need to take.

I couldn't stop crying when Shawn called me. Shawn was so upset he couldn't even choke out the words to tell me what the vet said. Jazz has been a part of my life for almost 14 years, that's longer than I've known Shawn. She's more than a pet, she's a part of our lives, a member of our family, a constant companion. I don't want anything to happen to her but I don't want her to suffer either. There's not much we can do tonight. So we'll just try to keep her happy and stay close and comfort Jazz as best as we can.

Everything is fine

I called the vet and the manufacturer of the cat food and they both informed me that the line we're using with Jazz does not contain any wheat gluten. It's only one make that has it. Our vet doesn't carry that make at all. Phew! I was very worried that I'd been poisoning my pet.

As you can see, Jazz is doing fine.

Now I'm REALLY ticked off

As Kathy, Rhonda, and Nicole have stated in their blogs and as it's been mentioned in the news, there's been a massive recall of pet food due to contamination in certain dog and cat foods. I took a look at the list and saw that none of Jazz's food was on the list so I felt safe with what we were feeding her.

Last week we took Jazz to the vet to get her bloodwork and blood pressure checked. We talked to the vet about the pet food recall and she asked us what we were feeding her. We told her and she gave us crap for it because apparently it's full of sugar and fat. So trying to be the responsible pet owners we are we decided to start her on the vet pet food. We figured we'd be safe with the vet stuff too in light of what's been going on. We bought a case of the stuff. Now I read online that the vet stuff has also been recalled! I've been feeding it to my cat for a week now! Needless to say, we're going back to the crap food. It might be crap food but at least it's not poisoned.

Jazz seems ok right now. I'll keep everyone posted.

Shawn, Jazz and the Quilt Exchange

I have to admit, I have a pretty good husband. I realized that I did not purchase enough fabric for my DTC group quilt exchange so Shawn and I went out and purchased some more, then Shawn helped me measure and cut the pieces. The only thing is, he wasn't alone. Jazz also decided that she was going to get in on the action. It was so funny, she kept going under the fabric, watching as we measured and cut the fabric. So to my group, if you find yourself with some black fur in your envelope, it's courtesy of my very furry baby.